Tutorial: Perfecting the Cat-Eye

Today, we’re going to learn a sultry but tricky look: the cat eye. Now I know what you’re thinking: “but those lines are so hard to draw evenly!” (or maybe “what does ‘sultry’ mean?”) If you follow this simple tutorial, you’ll be rocking a fang-tastic cat eye look in no time!

  1. The trick to a cat eye is making sure that the corners of your eye-liner are curved at the same angle. Draw a line straight out from your lower lash line to the length you want the cat eye to extend: a lot if you’re a fierce jungle cat, and a little if you’re a pathetic coward.
  2. Avoid plucking your eyebrows or waxing your fine mustache hairs for at least seven weeks. This will add a little convincing “fur” to your face.
  3. The sexiness of the cat eye isn’t just about makeup; it’s also about CATTITUDE! To get to the right level, try hissing at passersby or clawing the faces of unwanted suitors.
  4. Real cats do their business in a litter box. Carry a small box around with you—think shoebox—filled with cat sand and your own feces. Nobody will doubt that you’re committed to the look!
  5. For the most authentic cat eye, of course, you should surgically alter your pupils to dilate vertically; add a nictitating membrane if you’re feeling really frisky. Nothing says seduction like a filmy white layer of skin partially obscuring your vision!

Did somebody say purrrrfection?

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