Famous Authors Accidentally Describe Our Vaginas

In this series, we delve into the dark, terrifying crevices of important works of art, trimming away the obscuring underbrush of conventional interpretation in order to reveal the naked truth.

We’ll begin with Charles Dickens: a Victorian, so almost certainly a secret pervert.

Charles Dickens circa 1860s-crop
Charles Dickens, Author and Pervert

Charles Dickens

From his novel Hard Times:

..the lost man had fallen upon a mass of crumbled rubbish with which the pit was half choked up, and that his fall had been further broken by some jagged earth at the side.

This is why it’s so important to remove your crumpled rubbish on a regular basis.  Hygiene can prevent these injuries.

He lay upon his back with one arm doubled under him, and according to his own belief had hardly stirred since he fell, except that he had moved his free hand to a side pocket, in which he remembered to have some bread and meat (of which he had swallowed crumbs), and had likewise scooped up a little water in it now and then.

costanza-sandwich

He had come straight away from his work, …and was on his way to Mr. Bounderby’s country house after dark, when he fell.  He was crossing that dangerous country at such a dangerous time, because he… couldn’t rest from coming the nearest way to deliver himself up. 

#upsporn #packages #signforthis

(I mean neither snow nor rain nor gloom of night, amirite?  If you know what I mean?)

The Old Hell Shaft, the pitman said, with a curse upon it, was worthy of its bad name to the last; for though Stephen could speak now, he believed it would soon be found to have mangled the life out of him.

Kegel exercises, everyone.  Don’t forget your Kegel exercises.

Charles Dickens gets some (cryptic love)

Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons

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