Let me tell you a little secret.
No one likes work.
Even if you love what you do for work, you don’t like your job. Because doing what you love for someone else sucks the joy out of everything. Because everyone wants to get their grubby little paws on your ideas, your creativity, your art.
I have held three different jobs in my career that lasted over one year. For the first two, I was sick of them and looking for something else within the first 4 months. That honeymoon period of new job excitement had worn off, and I was being either underestimated or overworked and definitely underpaid. I have ambition, drive, creativity, and the ability to figure out how to do almost anything on the internet. No place has been able to harness that in a way that I found fulfilling.
I recently hit the one year mark at my current workplace. It has been interesting and I have been hustling to position myself for upward mobility. Despite many creative opportunities, I’m still left with the feeling like those at the top just want their own shine, and no one else is allowed to get close enough to get their glow on. I have glow goddamnit.
I’m tired of working for people who use my talents to make themselves richer while I can barely make rent.
I’m tired of pulling 50 and 60 hour weeks for no overtime.
I’m tired of calling in sick every third week just so I can take a day off and get a break from the grind.
Most of all, I’m tired of giving my creative energy to pursuits I think are misguided, at best, or, at worst, evil.
It’s always really wealthy Hollywood types that say “if you do what you love you never work a day in your life.” That’s only true if you can actually be your own boss and have creative control over your work life.
I love to write and I write every day in my day job. Nothing gives me the freedom to express myself so candidly as this anonymous blog post. Maybe 50 people will read this, because this blog is dying. Because no one has time to devote to writing for free. Because it takes too much time to get a passion project off the ground when everyone has a day job.
I may not ever get to have a Lena Dunham-type career where I can write my life and act it out with all my scars and flashes of beauty.
I may not ever get to the point where I’m not living paycheck to paycheck.
The point is, life is short, and we are all wasting it. We are spending the majority of our lives doing things we simply don’t want to do just because we have all decided that’s the only way you can survive in this world.
I want a better life for myself. I want the time and energy to explore my passions, create great art, and be appreciated for what I can contribute to the world.
I want everyone to stop being so goddamned unhappy all of the time.
I want to be free.