Ho-ho-ho! Are your holidaze almost over, Dear Readers? I just sent Mr. Crackpot out with seven bags of trash from our adventures, and, as he was stuffing them into the dumpster, I received a phone call informing me that we have guests coming for lunch because– surprise! –they’re in town!
A few years ago my instinct would have been to fake a flu or emergency plumbing situation to keep them the hell out of my house, but since then I’ve learned some tricks for quick clean-ups for unexpected visitor situations. Here are my top five. Merry Whatever and Happy New Year!
Betty Crackpot’s Top Five Cleaning Tips For Surprise/Asshole Holidaze House Guests
- Your bathtub can do wonders. Stuff it with the 12 loads of laundry yet to be done. Close the shower curtain. Tada!
- Those dirty dishes will look great in your oven. Order lunch to avoid appliance usage. Stick with festive paper plates. (The environment will understand this once.)
- Close your blinds — the weeds in the backyard will disappear magically.
- Remember that your couch can hide random socks.
- Febreeze, motherfuckers.
Of course, if the surprise visitors are really unbearable you can always turn off all the lights and hide in aforementioned dumpster.
Yours Until the Timer Dings,